Fuck off o2…

February 11, 2009 at 2:40 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

I have just received a text message from o2 telling me that I could get my name “printed on an Irish players actual jersey for the England rugby match”. Really?

I could “be the difference” you say? Yeah right. I’m tingling with anticipation. Off I rush to “pledge my support”. Corporate twats.

“On an Irish players actual jersey”. What kind of a gimpy statement is that? Do I look like Ross O’ bleedin Carroll Kelly? No I don’t, so fuck off o2. Don’t be annoying me.

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Roy Maurice Keane…

December 4, 2008 at 12:30 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

Word is spreading like wildfire that Roy Keane has left Sunderland. What a complicated, complex character Keane is. It’ll be interesting to see where he goes from here.

roy_keane_manager

I saw this piece here this morning and thought I’d share it with you…

Roy Maurice Keane: My True Story*

Stand up. Mirror. Staring. Can I do it? A moment…NO. I’m ready. Get the dog lead. Get the wallet. Focus.

“Will you be going to the shops or not then Roy?”

It’s the wife. Hands me the shopping list. On a post-it. Yellow. Like a card. Not red. Going for the ball.

“I’m not going to those f****** amateurs in Tesco again,” I tell her. “Do you think Felipe Scolari’s doing his shopping pushing a trolley with a busted wheel?”

I’m angry now, running it back in my mind…last time, the trolley, the big stack of baked beans half price, the wobbly wheel, children crying, losing control. Beans.

I’m sitting on the floor in the hall. The wife’s standing there. “Just get a pint of milk from the corner then, love, ” she says.

I get up. She comes at me. I kiss her, hard. On the cheek. The cheek was there (I think). “Take that,” I think to myself.

“Take what?” she asks. I go out of the house.

Corner shop. Corner. Defend it. Zonal. I TOLD YOU TO PICK HIM UP – THAT WAS YOUR MAN.

Milk. Milk. Focus on the milk.

“Morning Roy.” It’s Mr Patel.

“You’re a f****** crap newsagent and you’re a f****** crap person,” I say.

“Okay,” he says.

I turn and look for the milk. Stuff, money, bag. Walking again. Blind man. Dog. Stick. Can’t he see? Why can’t he see? Can’t he see that was offside? What is he doing?

I’m in the kitchen. Wife’s unpacking the shopping. She’s not happy. Teacups?

No. Shaking head.

“What’s all this stuff, Roy?”

I don’t understand. Stare.

“Roy. I’ve asked you out for a pint of milk. You’ve come back with four packets of rubber gloves, a Sodastream – I didn’t know they still made them – six biros, not one but two copies of New Scientist, a case of Doctor Pepper and 400 Silk Cut. You don’t even smoke, Roy.”

“No,” I say.

“And how much have you spent? Turn out your pockets,” she says.

Coins, notes, clank, receipt.

“Roy.”

She’s talking.

“Roy, you’ve spent 85 quid on rubbish. Absolute rubbish. What were you thinking? And where the hell’s the milk?”

Focus. Got to focus. Keep looking straight ahead. Focus.

* Not with the bollix Dunphy
Written by Alan Tyers and John Nicholson

2-roy-keane

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Champagne Football? I’m not so sure….

November 25, 2008 at 1:56 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , )

There’s an article in today’s Irish Independent which begins thus…

The drink culture in Irish soccer is woven into the fabric of our players — and successive Irish managers have had to deal with it.

This article has come about since Irish manager Giovanni Trappatoni revealed he had an altercation with Andy Reid at the Republic of Ireland team hotel in Germany after the World Cup qualifying game against Georgia on September 6th. This was just days before Ireland played Montenegro in a vital World Cup Qualifier. A game in which we drew nil-nil.

andy-reid

Trappatoni, however, insists the dispute, which arose out of a number of players staying up beyond a 1am curfew, has not been a factor in his decision not to play Reid.

According to Trap, Reid was one of 10 players to break a curfew and stay in the bar of the team hotel until well beyond midnight. “It was two o’clock. We had a game in three days’ time and the table was like a pub with all the beer on it,” Trappatoni is quoted as saying. That, I must say, amazes me. I thought that kind of behaviour was all in the past.

It transpires that Reid was playing guitar and, the manager alleges, declined to call it a night, despite repeated attempts to persuade him to do so. How ridiculous is that? Trappatoni, a manager who has had such an illustrious career not being listened to by an overpaid, overweight Premiership player? For such disrespect Reid deserves to be left on the bench as he has been. In fact he’s lucky to have since been called up at all.

It’s interesting to note that both Richard Dunne and John O’Shea had gone to bed by that stage. Two players who consistently play at a higher level and command greater respect than Andy Reid.

There was also a piece in Monday’s Irish Times which gives an insight into the drinking culture that is obviously still endemic in professsional football. It relates to former Manchester United player Gerard Pique who was sold to Barcelona earlier in the summer. Piqué has since slotted nicely into a side that are currently top of La Liga. The article describes how Pique failed to understand the diet of his United team-mates. “There were some incredible things happening. Everyone was allowed to eat what they wanted and one must remember that the English diet is just like people say. Every two weeks we had to be checked out on a machine that measured the amount of fat we had in our bodies. It would be a surprise that none of the players broke the machine because of the amount of hamburgers and beer they had.”

I find this astonishing. In this era of professional football where there is so much at stake that players still drink so much, so often. They don’t seem to know the value of a good diet and the importance of proper nutrition for their conditioning. How can players be so irresponsible given the vast sums of money they are paid every week? It’s crazy.

beer

Even the usually reserved and understated Roy Keane has spoken out about this recently. He said last week that Irish and Scottish players must improve their lifestyles if they are to match the fitness levels of football’s top nations. “The English lads don’t seem to be too bad,” said the Sunderland boss. “The French and Spanish are good. But the players with the biggest problem in terms of changing their mentality are certainly the Irish and the Scottish players.”

Keane has obviously played at the top level for Man United, Celtic and Ireland so he’s quite qualified to speak out about this issue. “You can’t be tiring after 45, 50 minutes, not in the Premier League. You can’t do it…. Nobody should really throw that at you if you are a professional sportsperson, that you are not fit enough.” And he’s dead right. Also is it any surprise that Andy Reid is among the Irish contingent at the Stadium of Light? He’s a very talented footballer but he needs to get his act together if he can expect play a part in guiding Ireland to, or even playing at, the World Cup in South Africa in 2 years time. If a half a game every few weeks at Sunderland is the height of his ambition well then good luck to him. But he’s better than that.

And players have to let off steam I know. But they also have to make sure they are in prime condition and dare I say it, fit? I enjoy a social drink or two myself and don’t want to seem like I’m on a moral high horse. That said, I’m not an athlete representing my country abroad in the hope of qualifying for the Holy Grail that is the World Cup in 2010. We have a real chance of qualifying for South Africa. That chance will evaporate, however, if the sing-songs and booze culture continue to prevail.

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Escape to victory…

September 8, 2008 at 11:16 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

So the weekend that was… Sportingwise.

From Inpho / rte.ie (c)

From Inpho / rte.ie (c)

Kilkenny put on a hurling sporting masterclass. Such supreme talent from one small county. Really makes me wonder how many Olympic medals, world champions and great Irish football teams we would have had over the years had those guys not been born with hurleys in their hands? That said I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s a pleasure, like yesterday, to watch their breathtaking natural ability on show. And they will continue to dominate for a while yet. Disappointing for Waterford but they’re just not in the same stratosphere as Kilkenny. No-one is.

Great article by Tom Humphries in the Irish Times here.

From Reuters (c)

From Reuters (c)

Andy Murray outfought, and outthought, Rafael Nadal in the US Open semi final last night. A great match, some wonderful tennis played. Excellent athleticism from Murray; plus he never lost his nerve despite some thrilling comebacks from Nadal. A most enjoyable semi-final. Murray goes on to play Roger Federer in the final later tonight. Note… recent mention of Federer’s demise on these very pages might have been slightly premature!

Solid enough performance from Ireland on Saturday and a steady start to the campaign. Nothing spectacular but that’s fine for now. For the first time in a long time I felt all the way through that Ireland would win. And so it was. The obligitary hairy moment at the end when Georgia got one back but there’s reason to optimistic. Steven Reid coming back into the side is such a boost. He makes the spine of the team (ie, Given, Dunne, Reid, Keane) a lot stronger.

The first goal was the kind of goal we haven’t been scoring often enough. Some neat interplay down the right between Keane and McGeady, a good ball in and a tidy header from Doyle. Heartening stuff. Another 3 points in Montenegro on Wednesday is the order of the day.

England continued in their own inimitable vein of mediocrity with an uninspiring 2-nil win over the mighty Andorra. Be interesting to see how they get on against Croatia in Zagreb on Wednesday.

Amir Khan ended up on his arse. Breidis Prescott sent his legs a-wobbling after 25 seconds and that was the end of it. Worth a look…

I wonder if the extremely imaginative headline “Amir Khan’t” has appeared in this morning’s papers? One thing is for sure, there’ll be questions asked in Sky this morning over their decision to buy the rights to his series of fights. 40 seconds of a bout is hardly a return on their (rather large) investment.

In golf, Rory McIlroy threw away a golden opportunity for his maiden tour victory, but the wins will come. He showed he can play. More here.

And as Columbo was wont to say, just one more thing….
I walked into a shop yesterday and this jumped out at me; a sub-heading from the Sunday Independent read like this…

IRISH STUDENTS ARE SEX MAD, BOOZE MAD AND COCAINE MAD.
One cigarette is the price of oral sex in UCD.

Really? What a f*ckin rag of a paper. Not worthy of a further rant.

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The best a man can get? I’m not so sure…

September 4, 2008 at 4:55 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , )

When watching the old idiot box in the corner last night an advert for Gillette Fusion came on. You know the one.

It’s the ridiculous ad where Roger Federer, Thierry Henry and Tiger Woods harass some poor guy trying to have a shave in his bathroom or pick up an item from the supermarket shelf. They assault him into submission with various sporting missiles. They then have a good old laugh at his expense.

It set me thinking…

Before Roger signed up to Gillette he was the number 1 tennis player in the world. And how he has fallen from those heady heights in a very short space of time. Henry was also one of the top strikers around. Then this summer he and France had a disastrous European Championship. Now he’s an injury-plagued substitute at Barcelona, his best days behind him. Even Tiger has been a victim of fate, he hasn’t played in months as a result of a debilitating knee injury and Padraig Harrington has since taken his mantle as double major winner. And now Tiger will miss golf’s premier event, the Ryder Cup. Notice a trend?

And now Gillette have gone for some localised branding by dressing Brian O’Driscoll, Seán Óg Ó hAilpín and Jason Sherlock in the other three’s discarded black suits. The ridiculousness continues.

And so does the trend…

An injury-plagued O’Driscoll recently had to jack in the captaincy of Leinster as it seems he’s unable to shoulder the burden. We all know what happened since Jayo signed up to Gillette Fusion. Dublin were humiliated by Tyrone in the All-Ireland quarter-finals. Didn’t exactly cover himself in glory. And as for Seán Óg Ó hAilpín, well Cork rolled over very easily this year, well beaten by Tipp in Munster and Kilkenny in the qualifiers.

In fact if you look at the photos for the branding of Gillette Fusion in Ireland, you’ll see that the three lads are very confused as to what sports they play. But at least they’re having fun…

So are Gillette Fusion’s “gentle micropulses” to blame? As the great Steve Staunton once said, “You tell me”.

Edit… Andrew Fifield touched upon much of this stuff in an article in the Irish Times recently. I was blisffully unaware until now. So hats off to Andrew, he got there before me.

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A tale of two John Joes…

August 25, 2008 at 6:48 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

So the Olympics are over. And I must say I enjoyed them more than I thought I would. And as predicted our boxers did us proud. All five of them. And all were beaten by guys who were eventual gold medalllists. A shame we don’t have a gold medal to celebrate ourselves but sport can be both unfair and cruel. Kenny Egan found that out the hard way but he can hold his head very high. If I ever meet him I’ll gladly buy him a pint. One of my favourite moments of the whole shebang was, when on the podium, Egan, smiling cheekily, turned to his Chinese conqueror, grasped his gold medal and gave it a kiss before shaking the guys hand. A classic moment.

So all in all a great achievement by a small but well prepared and determined boxing team. Disappointing to see Darren Sutherland come away with just a bronze. I thought he could, and wished he would, achieve the ultimate but it just wasn’t to be. I hope he now gets the chance to show the world his talent in the pro ranks (but mostly I hope he gets a chance to knock out the cocky James de Gale).

Fair play also to Paddy Barnes for being gracious in accepting his medal and smiling with pride despite his post-fight disappointment and disapproval.

I was delighted to see John Joe Joyce carrying the Irish flag at the closing ceremony. I’m sure the travelling community must be extremely proud of his (and John Joe Nevin’s) achievements. Vincent Hogan wrote a great article here on that very topic.

So we Irish learned that we’re still not very fast or very strong but we can throw a dig with the best of them. A few personal bests but admittedly most of our competitors were just happy to be there so they can tell their grandkids of their Olympian adventures. And there’s no shame in that.

Maybe we should ask the Jamaicans for some of what they’re smoking? But please don’t give it to our equestrian team or our horses will be so high they’ll float over the jumps.

I really enjoyed Gearóid Towey’s posts about competing and coping in Beijing. Superb insights, very well written with admirable integrity and no shortage of honesty.

I was concerned before it all began about RTÉ’s gargantuan coverage but in hindsight it must be commended. A few glitches here and there but that’s unavoidable with so many hours of live output. I particularly enjoyed the banter between the boxing experts. Andy Lee is a natural on TV but wears some questionable shirts while Micheal Carruth and Bernard Dunne really looked to be enjoying themselves in studio. They all gave some great insights into Irish boxing. Katie Taylor definitely has a face for TV but unfortunately a voice for airport announcements. Jimmy Magee’s passion for boxing is also very worthy of comment. And Colm Murray is slightly mad.

The dudes commentating on the basketball were fantastic. I couldn’t even begin to place their accents but they really got into it and livened it up no end. Hats off to those guys.

I also realised that Adrian Chiles (on the Beeb) annoys me. He’s probably a very nice guy in reality but there’s something about him that rubs me up the wrong way.

Pleasant surprises of the Games:

- BMX racing is an Olympic sport! And it’s brilliant to watch. Pure carnage at every turn. So fast and fearless.
- Usain Bolt and Michael Phelps eat lots of crap food like Chicken McNuggets but yet are the fastest men ever.
- Spain are very, very good at basketball. Just not quite as good as the Americans.
- The Dutch women’s hockey team are, ahem, very talented!

Disappointments of the Games:

- The Irish equestrian fiasco continues
- The crazy system of scoring in amateur boxing
- Having to listen to / read all about Britain’s record medal haul. Great achievements in fringe sports granted but, yawn, enough already.
- Getting to see very little beach volleyball action

So all in all a qualified success. And China can now get busy taking over the world.

And I see the Brits are now shitting themselves after the spectacle that was Beijing. Talking about going back to basics. Good luck with that! They’ll need more than Jimmy Page, Leona Lewis and a convertible red bus to raise the bar set by the Chinese.

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Beijing-a-ling…

August 8, 2008 at 6:10 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

So today is officially Day Zero of the 2008 Olympics.

Olympic Rings

Olympic Rings

I wasn’t really looking forward to it all but I guess I am moreso now. I think the opening ceremony stirred something in me. I guess it is heartening to see the likes of Rafa Nadal, Kobe Bryant and Lionel Messi sharing the same goals as our own John Joe Joyce. National pride and glory do go a long way. Way beyond paycheques. So despite the doping concerns and political issues I guess I do have some faith in the Olympic spirit. I hope it’s not misguided.

Opening Ceremony

Opening Ceremony

The opening ceremony was on earlier and it was mightily impressive.

Fireworks

Fireworks

I know there are political, social and human rights issues at stake when it somes to this Olympics but that said it’s happening so I guess we’d better get on with it. China has come of age and there’s nothing we can do about it now. The social and economic implications from this day forward are huge but that’s for another day.

The staging of the first part of the ceremony was (cliché and superlative alert!) spectacular. I expected fireworks and the like but the thought and co-ordination of the set pieces was astounding. Technically and creatively it was immense. The logistics of it all were huge but it worked a treat. So major hats off to the Chinese lads. There were incredible displays of choreography, lighting, and costume. The printing blocks piece was particularly unbelievable.

Bird's Nest

Bird's Nest

As regards us Irish folk, we have a few medal hopes, particularly our boxers. It’d be great to have a medal or two on the way home so we promote eternal optimism!

Irish Olympian Boxers

Irish Olympian Boxers

I’m just afraid now that RTÉ are showing so much that there’ll be overkill coverage-wise. We’ll see I guess.

Update: Irish rower Gearóid Towey , gearing up for his third Olympics, is writing a blog from the Olympic village about his Games experiences. Should be very interesting. Maybe not as dramatic as this though! I wonder if he did boycott the opening ceremony as he suggested he might?

Also OutsideIn has a piece about the onset of the games here. Talks about China’s coming of age. Ends on a note of optimism for social change to match the economic and political shift. Certainly worth a look and a comment.

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